The most important job in any society is raising children.
And there is no more important influence on how children develop than their parents.
But do you approach parenting with the same focus you would use for a job?
Do you act on your gut reactions or just use the same parenting techniques your own parents used, whether they are effective or not?
To create certain patterns of relationship and learning that support the basic abilities children need for emotional and intellectual development you need some Healthy Parenting Principles!
The five following principles are based on the works of Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D., clinical professor of behavioral sciences, psychiatry, and pediatrics at the George Washington University Medical School.
FIVE PRINCIPLES OF HEALTHY PARENTING
1. FLOOR TIME
At least 30 minutes a day that you set aside for yourself and your child. Turn off the T.V., turn down the stereo and “march to your child’s drummer.” Avoid lecturing or scolding. Follow your child’s lead in play or conversation, only trying to support whatever interests your child. (the idea behind floor time is to build up a warm, trusting relationship which lays the groundwork for tackling challenges your child faces)
2. PROBLEM-SOLVING TIME
This time is separate from floor time. When problem solving, instead of following your child’s lead you are helping them figure out why she’s having trouble with her friends or difficulties with math, or grumpy around the house. (the idea behind problem-solvinb time is to help your child learn to be logical in their interactions and anticipate and solve challenges so that they can grow well intellectually and emotionally)
3. IDENTIFYING and EMPATHIZING WITH THE CHILD’S POINT OF VIEW
This isn’t always easy! If you try to listen why your child is behaving the way he is, how his actions fit into his overall view of the world, it’s a lot easier to begin working on changing his behavior. (whether or not you agree with them, try to understand their reasons)
4. BREAKING CHALLENGES INTO SMALL PIECES
One way to encourage your child to tackle a hard problem or challenge is by constantly giving her little successes to feel good about. By helping your child put one toe at a time into the water (instead of having to plunge in headfirst), you meet the child’s need to feel satisfied with herself, avoiding the discouraging feeling “Whats the use? I’m never going to be any good at math (or reading or soccer or making friends)”
5. SETTING LIMITS
Limits are important as empathy and encouragement. They give a child security and guidance. Limit setting is best combined with extra floor time. That way, you lessen the guilt you may feel about having to set the limits in the first place (especially when you’ve basically got a good kid), and you keep nurturing your relationship with your child so that he’ll abide by the limits. If children are eventually to learn what you are trying to teach them, they need limits and empathy, guidance and love.
Effective parenting does not come naturally, unless our own parents practiced high quality parenting.
Effective parenting is a skill. And skills are learned. Nature doesn’t supply them; they’re developed over time with practice. Even if the parenting we received was lacking, we can still change our style, and find parenting much easier, successful and more fulfilling.
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO IMPLEMENT HEALTHY PARENTING SKILLS!
Warm Regards,
Gina McKee
Gina McKee is a yoga enthusiast, movie buff, and a firm believer in the MindBody connection. Her app, Chai Pro-Insight to go, is available from Amazon, ITunes and Google Play. She also has a private practice in O’Fallon, Il. specializing in counseling women and children of all ages.
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